Vulnerability

Tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of a pure heart.

José N. Harris

Over the past few days, I’ve shed a lot of tears. The main reason is obvious. Someone hurt me and I hurt them. Those situations are easy for me to understand. However, there are times when it’s not clear at all. Sometimes it’s a happy sight that signals my tear ducts. Or, just a regular ol’ song. No matter which way I turn, in this hypersensitive state, I’m fearful that I might spontaneously burst into tears.

These emotions of sadness are deeply rooted in shame. I’m ashamed that I did things the way I did them and that I had no power to influence the outcome. I’m also ashamed that I am so sad. Am I even worthy of loving or being loved?

It’s at this point that people attempt reassurance by saying “you did the best you could” and “it wasn’t meant to be”. But is that really true? Because I know there are things that I could have done better. I can even describe them! Pray tell – at what point do these thoughts denigrate from realistic, to optimistic, to lunacy?

But, that’s not the point of this post. The point of this post is for me to demonstrate vulnerability. Here it is, my thoughts, out on the Internet for the world to see. For me to deeply and authentically experience these emotions and not try to numb them through activity and drugs.

I’m sorry. It’s a huge misunderstanding – and I can see how it’s my fault and not yours. I know I hurt you and I’m sorry. This is the worst mistake of my life. I hope one day you’ll be able to forgive me and find the person that deserves you. You are more than worthy and deserving of a wonderful relationship and future.

Because I know that by being vulnerable, I also open up the pathways towards joy and happiness. I want to fully love and experience life without having any hangups on whether or not what I do will work out. I don’t want to blame other people or myself.

At the end of the day, we all need to remind ourselves that we are enough. That we are worthy of loving and being loved. It takes vulnerability and courage to do that. And when we do that, my friends, it’s definitely worth being happy about.